Since my sort-of "break down"...Craig and I agreed to come up with a day and time where we could sit down and discuss our "options". I know most of my "break down" is due to some heightened emotions, but I still think that it also brought to light some concerns/issues that were being ignored or suppressed.
Once we were able to find some time, it was interesting what came up. Right away, Craig brought up adoption and how he was ready to get the process started. On a side note: A couple of weeks prior to this Craig was on a business trip to Virginia. During his time there, he met with his boss for his review. She shared with him about their adoption process and how they have a close relationship with the birth-mother and how wonderful the entire experience was/is. It really impressed Craig.
Me, on the other hand, came to the conversation with the desire to go back to the fertility clinic. I feel a little torn with this desire. I feel like...after all I have been through...it almost feels like I am not "trusting" that I will get the same miracle again!! That is my fear in sharing this with others around me. What are they going to say? Are they going to tell me to "relax" again? Are they going to tell me to just give it more time? But then...why do I care what they have to say? In these situations anyone can say, "I don't care what they think", but it so matters. It matters because I, unfortunately, put weight on what others say and think. I ponder it...and I let it get to me. So...back to "the conversation".
In wanting to go back to the clinic...what I mean is that I want to try out the new clinic that moved into town: Seattle Reproductive Clinic. I looked into them before, but I didn't want to have to travel to Seattle for each and every procedure...so they were eliminated. Well, now they have a satellite office in Tacoma now. I told Craig that I was just interested in having a consultation meeting with a doctor to see what they thought of our past procedures and diagnoses. I absolutely DO NOT want to have major procedures done, but I am curious about whether or not the doctor would recommend any pill/hormones that could balance me out in hopes of allowing my body to do what it needs to do for a pregnancy.
So, at the end of our conversation, the verdict is as follows:
We will continue to try on our own for three more months. During that time, we will meet and have a consultation with Seattle Reproductive Medicine (SRM) just to see what they recommend. After three months, Craig and I will regroup and figure out what's next.