HOLY SMOKES!!!! OK...so do you remember how in my last post I mentioned how the ultrasound showed that my right ovary was at least two times the size of my left ovary and, on top of that, it also contained hemorrhagic cysts as well as multiple follicles.
Today, throughout my day at work, I felt some slight uncomfortableness on the lower right hand side of my abdomen. I didn't think much of it...knowing that things weren't all that great anyways on that "side". Later today, as I held Emily in my arms...rocking her as we sang our routine bedtime songs...I was hit with this amazingly sharp pain in the same place. I accidentally let out a small cry and had to immediately stop singing so I could just hold my breath in hopes of not freaking out Emily anymore. Luckily Craig was there...he kept singing for me, and then was able to take Emily as I sat there crying quietly in horrible pain.
Poor Emily!! She is so empathic to others...right away, she started crying and calling out for "mama". I didn't want to move from the rocking chair until the pain passed...but I felt awful for Emily. I tried to suck it up as I stood up to hold Emily and tried to comfort her, while still crying silently in pain. Craig continued to sing while I swayed with Emily. Eventually I was able to mutter out some of the words of the song that Craig was in the middle of singing. She had finally calmed down, but wanted to be held for a bit longer before being put down.
By the time I put her down in her crib, my pain had subsided. Thank you Lord!!! I had never felt that kind of pain before. It was so sharp and so sudden!!! I'm assuming it was a bursting cyst. I don't know!! I am just glad that it is done!! Have I mentioned that I'm done with Clomid?? Yea...I'm pretty sure this just sealed the deal for me. Hopefully this will be the only ruptured cyst...if that is what it was!!
Showing posts with label cyst. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cyst. Show all posts
Monday, January 31, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Some Disappointing News...
Arghh!!!!!
Well, I just had my ultrasound appointment today to monitor the old ovaries while on Clomid...and there was no good news to be told. The technician told me that she found two fibroids on my uterus and some hemorrhagic cysts in my right ovary. When looking at the pictures of my ovaries...the right side was, no joke, 2-3 larger than the left side. What the heck does this all mean?
I always struggle in hearing what the doctor has to say afterwards because I am in a state of shock. I remember her saying, at least I think that I heard her say, that the fibroids can become a cause of infertility. Immediately I could feel my eyes welling up. I kept telling myself, "BE STRONG!!!" "Stay strong Heather!!!" "Think of Emily...You have a beautiful baby girl...Think of Emily!! Meanwhile...at the same time, I'm thinking, "What the heck!?!?!? Seriously...another stumbling block? Another obstacle in my way...on top of everything else we are fighting against in trying to get pregnant? This is one sick joke! You have got to be kidding me!!!"
I know the doctor talked for a lot longer and was probably telling me stuff that I should have been listening to...but it is all just a blur to me. Oh yes, I do remember her saying that she recommended I take at least a month off from the Clomid in order to give my ovaries a break.
So, what now? I called Craig to tell him the good news, and could barely utter out the first words before I became incapable of communicating due to my quivering voice. What makes me so mad at myself is how quick I am to doubt the possibility of having another baby. I have my beautiful daughter sitting in the back seat of the car...and I'm crying because, once again, I have a bad report from the doctors...telling me that I have yet another obstacle. Why can't I stay strong? Why am I so quick to fall back into my old ways of doubt and worry...self pity and jealousy?
When I got home, I did some research on fibroids. It seems to be pretty common, however, the way that it can attribute to infertility is that it can hinder implantation, the risk of miscarriages increases, and depending on where they are located, they can also block fallopian tubes preventing the sperm from reaching the egg. The chances of these being a result of the fibroid is pretty slim...and I need to just remind myself of that because I so easily become that person where it feels like the walls are closing in on me and I am hopeless to stop it.
It's really no big deal...right? 50% of women get fibroids...just not this early in life. In talking with Craig, I kind of feel that I just need to be done with Clomid...for good. I only have one body, and I don't think it is worth it to damage my body if it isn't going to respond well to the medication and if other side effects could be avoided. I already have a hard enough time trying to get pregnant...why make things more difficult?
While researching on fibroids and cysts, I just so happened to come across an adoption website...hmmm. I just remember how good it felt, last time, to begin that process and to actually make progress in moving forward. So...I made a call, and left a message. I'm counting on hearing from them tomorrow.
Well, I just had my ultrasound appointment today to monitor the old ovaries while on Clomid...and there was no good news to be told. The technician told me that she found two fibroids on my uterus and some hemorrhagic cysts in my right ovary. When looking at the pictures of my ovaries...the right side was, no joke, 2-3 larger than the left side. What the heck does this all mean?
I always struggle in hearing what the doctor has to say afterwards because I am in a state of shock. I remember her saying, at least I think that I heard her say, that the fibroids can become a cause of infertility. Immediately I could feel my eyes welling up. I kept telling myself, "BE STRONG!!!" "Stay strong Heather!!!" "Think of Emily...You have a beautiful baby girl...Think of Emily!! Meanwhile...at the same time, I'm thinking, "What the heck!?!?!? Seriously...another stumbling block? Another obstacle in my way...on top of everything else we are fighting against in trying to get pregnant? This is one sick joke! You have got to be kidding me!!!"
I know the doctor talked for a lot longer and was probably telling me stuff that I should have been listening to...but it is all just a blur to me. Oh yes, I do remember her saying that she recommended I take at least a month off from the Clomid in order to give my ovaries a break.
So, what now? I called Craig to tell him the good news, and could barely utter out the first words before I became incapable of communicating due to my quivering voice. What makes me so mad at myself is how quick I am to doubt the possibility of having another baby. I have my beautiful daughter sitting in the back seat of the car...and I'm crying because, once again, I have a bad report from the doctors...telling me that I have yet another obstacle. Why can't I stay strong? Why am I so quick to fall back into my old ways of doubt and worry...self pity and jealousy?
When I got home, I did some research on fibroids. It seems to be pretty common, however, the way that it can attribute to infertility is that it can hinder implantation, the risk of miscarriages increases, and depending on where they are located, they can also block fallopian tubes preventing the sperm from reaching the egg. The chances of these being a result of the fibroid is pretty slim...and I need to just remind myself of that because I so easily become that person where it feels like the walls are closing in on me and I am hopeless to stop it.
It's really no big deal...right? 50% of women get fibroids...just not this early in life. In talking with Craig, I kind of feel that I just need to be done with Clomid...for good. I only have one body, and I don't think it is worth it to damage my body if it isn't going to respond well to the medication and if other side effects could be avoided. I already have a hard enough time trying to get pregnant...why make things more difficult?
While researching on fibroids and cysts, I just so happened to come across an adoption website...hmmm. I just remember how good it felt, last time, to begin that process and to actually make progress in moving forward. So...I made a call, and left a message. I'm counting on hearing from them tomorrow.
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