Presentation Sunday

Last year, my parent's Pastor told them about a church in Bothell that devotes the last Sunday of every January as: Presentation Sunday, in commemoration of the Presentation of Jesus in the Temple by Mary and Joseph 40 days after His birth. On this day Cedar Park Church (in Bothell), along with a growing number of other churches in the area and around the world, will be praying for couples who are desiring to have children but have encountered difficulty in doing so. Hundreds of babies are known to have been born in response to previous Presentation Sunday Prayer Services. Some babies arrive miraculously, some with the aid of fertility treatment, and some by adoption, but all are in response to prayer.

My husband and I attended last year for the first time. It was truly a blessing. The church has been doing this service for over 20 years now. After praise and worship, the Pastor shares his own testimony of how he and his wife have had 11 miscarriages throughout their marriage, which is why he has such a heart for couples struggling with infertility.

Last year, after the Pastor's message, he opened up the floor for couple's to share their testimonies. It was amazing!! Some couples shared how they have struggled for YEARS at trying to conceive. Some couples received their blessing through a miracle of pregnancy, others through adoption, and to my amazement...there were a couple stories of "snowflake" babies!!! There were a couple of women who adopted frozen embryos and were able to experience pregnancy. After being renewed with encouragement from hearing story after story of how...everything eventually worked out, couples who were currently struggling with infertility were asked to come forward and receive prayer. Craig and I, along with a TON of other couples came forward and knelt down as others walked around and prayed over us. One truly amazing thing about our experience was that it wasn't just adults that prayed over us...but also "Presentation Children" (Children who came to be after their parents attended a Presentation Service and received prayer). These children, ranging in ages from 12ish-3ish...walked around each of the couples, laying their hands on them and praying for them. It was BEAUTIFUL!!!!

So, needless to say, Craig and I had the pleasure of attending this year and being able to share our own testimony in hopes of providing encouragement for other couples. As those couples went forward for prayer, I was just filled with so such emotion. I just remember how, not so long ago, I felt so lost. I remember saying that I felt as though I had "faith without hope". I don't know why we went through what we had gone through, but I do know that I am a better person because of it...though if you had asked me in the middle of our challenge I would have thought that that was load of bologna. Nonetheless...I went through it...key word: "through".

13 Weeks Today

I had my "12 week" physical today with my regular OB. I was all excited for the appointment, unfortunately it was a bit of a let down. Keep in mind, I have been at the fertility clinic for three years now...going in for check ups, ultrasounds, etc., at least every week, if not more. Now that I am past my 12 weeks, I've been kicked out and sent to the regular OB. Now...I only have appointments once a month (I get that), but I was at least hoping that I could have an ultrasound. I guess I still need that verification of my pregnancy. I see my belly starting to pooch...but I just so badly want to feel the baby inside of me. Because I can't feel the baby, I am terrified to admit to the world that I am pregnant. I desperately wanted to see my baby on the screen today, but as you can guess....that didn't happen.

Instead, however, I did hear the baby's heart beat. It was a little nerve racking at first because the midwife was not able to find the heart beat. She ended up moving on with the exam and she discovered that my uterus is tilted way back, which is what would make it extremely difficult to find the heartbeat. To get around that, she tried using the doppler again, only this time she pressed pretty hard down on my belly. Then...there it was...the faintest, tiniest, itty bittiest sound of a heart beat.

Nursery

Before Craig and I knew we were pregnant, we had already talked about decorating the nursery neutral colors because, at the time, we were considering adoption and wanted the nursery to be prepared for both genders. The colors we chose were: sage green and chocolate brown. Now that we are pregnant...our color choice hasn't changed. With the many hours that I have put into watching HGTV, I found the perfect wall painting idea for the nursery. Craig and I have agreed to paint all four walls a light sage green, with the exception on one wall. After painting the one wall the same color as the others, we would then create about 12 inch wide stripes and paint them the same color, only in a satin finish. I saw it on a home design show, and I loved it!!!
As for the nursery set, we never really found a set that we both agreed on, so we decided to piece one together. We bought a couple different sage green sheets (solids, stripes, etc), a soft/fuzzy chocolate brown bumper (it has raised polka dots on one side), and then my mom is going to make the crib skirt based off of a picture we found on the internet (The one pictured above). It will be a solid chocolate brown and the bottom three inches will be a sage green stripe.
My mom is also going to make a quilt for the baby. This is a tradition she does for each of her grandkids. So, for most of the day yesterday, we went to JoAnne Fabrics and picked out fabric for the quilt. That was a lot of fun. The quilt pattern is called, "Drunk Love in a Log Cabin". A bit of an inappropriate name for a baby's quilt, but what baby doesn't know...won't hurt it.
Last, but not least, we found a pattern for the window valance. It is a simple valance, made out of the same material as part of the quilt, chocolate brown with small cream polka dots. The bottom of the valance has a wave and then we will be attaching small brown fuzzy balls. As I am writing this, it sounds pretty odd and maybe a bit ugly, but trust me...it will be too cute.
Once all is in place, I will make sure to take pictures and post them...but that won't be for quite some time.

Long Overdue

An update to my blog has been long overdue. Sorry about that.

Things have been going really well!! One thing I failed to mention in my first "pregnancy" post was that during my first ultrasound, the doctor found a cyst in my left ovary. At that time it measured 22mm. It was actually larger than the baby was at that time. The doctor told me that one of two things would happen. Either it would just get reabsorbed back into the body, or it would rupture. Because I was pregnant, there was nothing I could do except wait to see what happens.
I remember during my many procedures in the past, I had developed a cyst. At that time, they gave me options of going on birth control pills or waiting for it to rupture. They said that it could be painful enough to need painkillers. From what I remember, that cyst was just reabsorbed into the body because I was never in serious pain.
Well, at the end of my school day on Friday I started to have a constant dull pain on the lower left side below my abdomen. I didn't think much of it at all because by now (11 weeks)I had already forgotten about the cyst. When the pain didn't go away, I started to get a bit worried...then it finally dawned on me: my cyst probably ruptured.
On Saturday, the pain was still annoying but not horrible. However, Sunday was a pain (pun intended). I could not get comfortable and at times...there were a few tears shed. I ended up calling the doctors office to see if there was anything I could take. When they returned my message, she asked me: "On a scale of 1 to 10, how much pain are you in?" I hate this question, because right now...I am thinking 10 is reserved for my future labor pains, so compared to that this ruptured cyst is nothing!!! I just told her that it was really annoying pain. I can live through it, but if I don't have to bear it than I wanted to know what I could do. My next scheduled appointment was for Thursday, but she bumped it up to today, Monday, so that the doctor could check everything out and make sure it was OK.
That made me a little nervous...just moving up the appointment made me wonder if there was something that I needed to concerned about.

Well, the time finally arrived for my appointment. And as expected...everything was just fine!! The cyst wasn't completely gone, but it was much smaller (16mm), so the doctor determined that I actually have a small leak in the cyst which would explain the constant dull pain. He reassured me that it in NO WAY affects the baby. He then moved on to view our little bambino. The little thing wouldn't stop moving!! It's heartbeat was between 140-150 beats per minute (that's good). The newest development was that I could actually count the teeny weeny fingers because the bones are starting to calcify which makes them a bright white on the screen. It was pretty amazing the see the individual fingers.

So, all is well...VERY WELL!!! As of today, I am 11 weeks 4 days, so Thursday will be my 12 week mark...sending me into my second trimester!!! WOO-HOO!!!

10 Week Ultrasound

I went in to the Dr.'s office today for an ultrasound. I am originally scheduled with the Dr. on Monday, but I called the office today to see if I could come in today so as to put my concerns to rest before heading back to school on Monday. Concerns...yes!!! I'm sure that I am not the first one here, but I just still don't believe that I am pregnant, it doesn't seem real to me yet. I know we have already had an ultrasound at 8 weeks, and I know that I saw the heartbeat...but I don't know if it will ever feel "real" until that baby is resting peacefully in my arms.
Well, there was no doctor in the office today, but the nurse did let me come in. She said that I would still have to keep my original appointment on Monday, with the doctor, but that she would let me come in so she could show me my baby's heartbeat and put my mind at ease...and did it ever!!!
The baby definitely looks like a "baby" now. We could make out the arms and the legs. We could see the brain...and then we saw the heartbeat, strong as ever. And then the COOLEST thing happened...the baby started moving!!! You could see the head moving, and then, I'm not even kidding, one of the hands waved at us. Did they know they were on camera? Probably not, but it was pretty special regardless. The nurse even got a kick out of it.
I will be scanning the ultrasound pictures so I can post them up for you all to see.

I Got An Early Christmas Gift

I got an early Christmas gift on Friday...I found out that I'M PREGNANT!!!! I cannot believe it...after three and a half years of what felt like PURE TORTURE...I have been given the gift of life!!! Here is the quick story:

I took a home pregnancy test on Friday (I was having a really long cycle, however I had already taken a test two weeks prior that came out negative), and I couldn't believe my eyes when I saw the second line slowly appear!!! I rushed to Craig to wake him up (a little too abruptly), and I showed him the test as I cried out, "What does this mean? This can't be right". We were both in a bit of denial and didn't know what to do with it.

I waited impatiently for the time to pass until the Dr.'s office opened up so I could schedule a time to come in for a blood draw to get a more accurate test result. They called me back a couple hours later saying, "Anything 25 and above is pregnant, and your levels are in the 700's. You are VERY pregnant." They called back the next day to tell me that my HCG level is 41,440 so there is no need for them to monitor that anymore, "You are definitely...definitely pregnant." There is only one thing that they have to monitor, my progesterone, that they put me on medications for...but my blood draw today showed that it is exactly where they want it to be now. After the blood draw, I had an ultrasound with the doctor to determine how far along I was. It didn't take long before we saw our little baby on the monitor...and it's heartbeat!! The doctor determined that we are already 8 weeks along.

Never, in a million years, would I have believed this is where my journey would take me. I think, I know...that I am still is dismay. I just don't believe it. Every time I look down at my belly, it kind of creeps me out that there is a little baby growing inside of me. Is that wrong?!?

Well, I guess this blog will be changing a bit...from my adoption journey to my pregnancy journey. Craig and I will never fully shut the door on adoption...we are actually going to still attend the "Intro" class for the Agency that we chose.

We Actaully Sat Down And Wrote "The Letter"

Still not sure as to what the "requirements" are for our adoption profile (size, # of pages, etc), I decided to sit down with Craig in an attempt to begin writing our DBML (Dear Birthmother Letter). I had no idea where to even begin. We started out by looking all over the internet and reading other couples DBML's. It gave us a small idea of things that we wanted to cover in our own letter.

This truly was a teamwork effort. We had an idea of what information needed to be covered, but we also knew that we somehow needed to try and stand out. (I actually read a blog from a mother searching for adoptive parents for her unborn child. She said that she had a pile of 300 letters to review...300.

I started writing the letter...deleting...and writing again. After I had a solid paragraph written, Craig took over and wrote a few paragraphs about each of us. Once he got tired, I took over one last time. I made a few slight alterations, added a few more paragraphs about our family and our personal lives, and then brought the letter to a closing.

I read it aloud to Craig...and we loved it!! I can't believe we actually completed it in one evening. I sent the letter in an email to each of our parents so they could read it over and catch any mistakes that I may have missed...but for the most part, it's done.

This was the one thing that I was dreading the most. It just feels like you are trying to sell yourself as future parents...that's exactly what it is. Well, hopefully the birthmother is able to get a true glimpse into who Craig and I are when they read our letter.

What not to say to your infertile friend

The Perfect T-Shirt Design For This Post:



I love you all...but seriously, some things that people say to me are just without common sense!!! I can't tell you how tired I am of hearing the CLASSIC story of "I know a person who"...

A: couldn't have children either. Once they relaxed...*POOF*
B: got pregnant as soon as they decided to adopt
C: adopted a child and then they were able to get pregnant on their own

And while I'm on the subject...if you do have kids, don't complain about them to me!! Make sure never to utter these words to me: "This is what you have to look forward to, are you sure you know what you're getting into?" Are you kidding me?!? Seriously!!! Really?!?

Whatever the story, whatever the circumstance, please don't compare it to me!! I am tired of the millions of stories. It sounds to me that...you all probably know the same one person. It is a small world out there after all. My situation is mine, and mine alone. Whatever happens to me on this journey is unique. It won't be because I am finally "RELAXING" or because I have finally decided to adopt. Not to be rude, but I really don't care to hear about who you know. As if I don't feel broken enough...how am I supposed to feel when I still don't get pregnant after adoption?!? Don't get me wrong, that is not why I am doing adoption, I'm just saying...what is the point of your story? What am I supposed to feel when I hear of someone else who had this miraculous pregnancy?

So...I found this post on the Do's and Don'ts of what to say to your infertile friend, written from someone with experience!! It is REALLY good!! Just click on the link below...enjoy!

Life in The Polar North Defrosts: What not to say to your infertile friend

We Met With Another Couple Tonight

Craig and I just got back from meeting with a couple who have gone through the process of "foster to adopt". Even though we are pretty determined to do birth-mother adoption, we thought it would be a good idea to learn about all of our options. This couple was absolutely AMAZING!!! They have three boys of their own, and always knew that they would adopt someday...and someday came not so long ago. They chose to do foster-to-adopt because they had a few friends who have gone through it. With that said, they did know exactly what they wanted and they made their requests known to the state. I just loved their story, it was one that gives hope and encouragement.

They received a few calls from the state in hopes of placement, but after asking their list of questions, they had to turn down a few of the kids because the match would not have been a good one for their home. When they got the call for their, now, child...it was perfect. The child was only three weeks old at the time.

They shared how there is no difference in love for their "biological" children as there is for their "foster" child. They are amazed at how much their foster baby is a part of them, showing attributes that each of their family members have...the whole nurture versus nature debate. They confirmed for us how it doesn't matter whether your child is biological or adopted...they were chosen specifically for you.

They did say that if they didn't have three boys already, that going the "foster" route would not have been something they would have wanted to do, rather they would have worked with an agency. She talked about the potential of the child being taken away and placed back with the birth family. They were aware of that going into fostering, but already having three children made that situation more bearable.

All in all, Craig and I were extremely blessed to have met with them. As we left the Starbucks, she came over to Craig and I and gave us the biggest hug EVER!!! She was teary eyed and so excited for our journey. She made us promise to invite them to our adoption party. Craig and I didn't know that you give "adoption" parties...but hey, you can't say no to another party!! YEAH!!

Finally, we got the application!!

OK...so I didn't actually get this application from the agency. By pure coincidence, I happen to have an old friend who is going through the same agency that we chose. When she found out that we were going with the same agency she offered to gather up copies of all of her paperwork: application, profile, release forms, etc. Well...it finally arrived in the mail on yesterday. I was like a small child on Christmas morning!!! I went straight to the back room, opened up the envelop and read through all the papers.

This will definitely be enough to keep me busy through the month, maybe even through to our "Intro" class in the middle of January...who am I kidding, I'll be done with everything by next week...seriously!! Since I'm being honest, I typed up all of the questions from the application onto a Word Document. I then emailed it to myself at work, so I could go through it during any "available" time...*wink*. Lets just say, I've already answered most of the questions.

Here is what I have left to do:

Create a family profile (which is basically a printed scrapbook), write up a "birth mother letter" (this seems like the hardest thing...I don't even know where to begin on this), and I have some specific numbers to gather (house appraisal and equity, student loan info, etc). I'm sure I could find some other things...but for now, this will keep me busy.

Hears to beginning the adoption process!!