Tuesday, January 11, 2011

I Had The Strangest Dream...

I had a dream last night that I was Hannah, Craig was Elkanah, and he actually had another wife Peninnah. What craziness....right? In my dream, Peninnah gave birth to a baby for Craig (or Elkanah, as was his name in my dream)...and she was just rubbing it in my face. I was so pissed. I felt so mad and hurt and upset and jealous. And not only did I feel those things towards "the other woman", but towards Craig as well. How could he? Why wasn't I enough for him?
Yes, I know this was a dream, but here it is, 5AM...and it is still very fresh in my mind. I kid you not, the thing that woke me up out of that nightmare, was not my alarm clock, but my own voice saying over and over again, "STUPID, STUPID, STUPID, STUPID". I began saying it in my dream about Peninnah, but I as started waking up and saw Craig next to me, though still completely out of it, I started saying it about him.

Aside from the crazy dream, the 100mg clomid isn't killing me to my surprise. I actually feel more subdued. I don't know if that is because of the clomid or because I have a head cold at the same time...but Craig has been absolutely amazing this time around. I feel as though I am being catered to...he has made amazing dinners, AND cookies!! He has brought me dessert from his parents house in the middle of his football games. He is making it impossible to blow up...which is great because I hate having to come back and apologize.

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